Do · you · have · the · time · to · listen · to · me · whine · about · nothing · and · everything

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified)about what people remember about you.

I don't know why the nice people are the ones who get hurt, stepped on, or fucked with. I think all the shitheads of the world should be placed on some island, where they only have each other to fuck with, mess with heads, and be miserable, uncaring, unfeeling assholes. While we're at it, how bout we put all the mind fuckers there so that they fuck with those kinds of minds and leave us people who are genuine and give a shit alone.... Man, what a winner of an island this would be... kinda like Lost but for the fuck ups of the world.

Just when you think you know what to expect, there is the universe to go ha ha fuck you over and over again. There's gotta be some lesson to be gained from all of this. This is where I throw up my hands in frustration, feel like crying or screaming and being like why the fuck do you exist? Better question is why do I still care so damn much--- for a smart person, this whole thing is the epitome of stupidity!! If only I can kick my own ass-- I know I'm gonna wind up getting hurt, and yet there I go, over and over, feeding into the madness. Is it wanting what I can't have and me being a stubborn non-quitter that's at work here?

Things I don't get:
Away messages of oh just give in already -- what the damn hell is that- who does he want to give in, and whats that about?

I'm ranting -- I'm meeting my dear friend for lunch on Friday ... he "wants me to interview him and write a story on his book"-- is he delusional, or is he for real? I mean who says that? I'm not really a journalist, I told him it was gonna be crap-- but this is "going to be an on going project, and is going to require "several sit-downs" --- insert one of my OOOOO boy faces.
The way I see it: A) He is delusional
B) This is a way to make the game into a whole frickin carnival--- the haunted house, the house of mirrors, the fire eaters, the freak show in short....

I'll humor him for now .... way I see it, maybe this is my way to settle the score ... lets see if he enjoys his mind getting played with ... I'm usually pretty chill, but there is this u screw with me, I want to screw with you mentality -- lol probably my inner Italian there ;)

So sweltering heat isn't really my idea of a good time .... ugh, hoping we get some rain soon to cool things off! Stayed late at work 'cause things started to get busy and I knew I wasn't going to want to take anything home-- so getting home on the subway was a maze of sorts, but I made it home in one piece. Thoroughly enjoyed taking a dip-- cause nights like these are what pools are made for.

Should be asleep, but alas here I am-- mind is still chirping from the 2 second conversation I had with the dog last nite -- oh yeah thats his new nickname... do I find it cute that he greets me with an im that says woof -- thinks back-- in fact, thats how he first contacted me on AIM a billion years ago ( haha still remember me puzzled and asking Iz for an interpretation on that...) So anyways I'm like oh I'm glad u recognize your true nature, what am I supposed to say Meow and he's like yeah--- you're cat. So "cat" and the "dog" are back to the chasing games-- LOL I loved Margaret's don't pay attention to the K9, I think he failed obedience school ~ There's always something to remind me ~
and with that I'm off to sleep

Nite all

The School Play Staring --- Bitch... Yeah so big deadline met today, but as subject says never a dull moment where this project is concerned. Something about 12 pm on the deadline day that bodes hijinks. Apparently one of the stories in the test prep book ( all of the states) had a character named Suka. We find out today that means bitch in Russian -- oh I'm sure that would have greatly amused Russian 3rd graders :) After scrambling to get it fixed, I did have a nice laugh about it ( LOL me and my boss making fun of it was amusing -- he likes to bust chops, so I'm going to miss working with him next week -- he moves on to a different project, and I leave after next week.

So yeah for all the bitching I've done, I will miss this job a bit ( the editorial staff was nice and lots of fun but onto bigger , better ( hopefully) and more permanent prospects ( LOL will have to schedule bunches of doctors appts after the benefits kick in -- maybe some new glasses are in order too)

Glad to return to the land of living -- caught a stomach bug Monday night so was outta comission Monday night and most of Tuesday -- tried to go into work but wound up leaving after an hour to sleep all day.. Feeling much better, which is good bc I can't be sick this weekend.

Big congrats to Shazz who landed a full time job this week ( I knew you could do it) so we'll be celebrating that in addition to her b'day tomorrow night in BKLYN... Then I have a wedding on Saturday with my hot burgandy dress ( LOL myspace or facebook pic def will need to get updated) Hanging out my my "starving artist" " FRIEND" ( yesh he broke out the F word --- ) Tuesday after work ... I said I would behave --- we'll see ( talked to him while feeling like shit on Monday night, a pleasure as always-- LOL !

Enough procrastination--- need to eat, figure out what I'm wearing out tomorrow and try on my dress once again to make sure everythings cool ... Catch ya all later

Having a lazy weekend, chilling out -- everything is all good for once. I lounged in the pool this afternoon on the float ( working on the tan ;) and getting ready to accept the Penguin job on Monday ( should be starting in the begining of July...) I will say, with the year being half over, '06 seems to be a year of unexpected twists and turns.... here's to good times with awesome friends this summer, a new job, and a kick ass time all around ( haha I'm actually hopeful and not complaining -- LOL take down the date and time.

And now, since I steal :

If you comment on this post:
1. i’ll respond with something random about you
2. i’ll challenge you to try something
3. i’ll pick a color that i associate with you
4. i’ll tell you something i like about you
5. i’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. i’ll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. i’ll ask you something i’ve always wanted to ask you
8. if i do this for you, you must post this on yours

Later gators :)

I am taking a long lunch tomorrow so that I can interview with Penguin --- again ... Turns out that the position I interviewed for back in December is open now. I get a call on Friday while on lunch and the woman is like Hi I'm calling from Penguin, the scheduling assistant position is open and we want to know if you can come in and see us... Of course my phone dies and cuts us off, but she calls back and leaves me a voicemail ... I did ask when they want the person to start and she said right away ( LOl yes the usual suspects there ...) I told her that I was temping, and would need time to give my notice if necessary.

So here I am, with a whole lotta stuff on my mind ( the position sounds like mine now sorta, minus a few things here and add some there.) The salary is on the low end, but the full benefits, tutition reimbursement, vacation days plus the week after Christmas off, discounts on books --- yeah so that stuff definately counts for something.

I revamped the resume and cover letter, and I have to say the cover letter sounds pretty damn good ( had my notes from the last interview so I KNOW what they're looking for, and now I actually have some publishing experience. I figured there's nothing to lose by interviewing again, and when the time comes I may have to make a decision ( I like the people I work with and the job most of the time, but its really up in the air -- I MIGHT get asked to stay, but who knows... LOL if it comes to it, I could see if I can negotiate with them and take the best offer...

And so here I was, getting settled and then this kinda blindsighted me -- I'm happy, it sounds like I have a good shot ( but then again last time I would have sworn I got the job because I rocked the interview... ) But big fingers crossed for Shazz with her interviews this week ( LOL though you're awesome and kick ass so do you really need them-- nah ) Oh yeah btw-- I still haven't gotten my Billy Joel CD yet -- it made a lot of sense to preorder --- suuure ! Haha already told my mom she can have the original, I'm burning a copy and I'll get her another birthday gift instead ....

Things keep changing and its mostly good, been pretty good lately save for being exhausted ( 9 hr days bleck) so keep your fingers crossed for me and round and round I go, we'll see where I wind up :)

Later gators

TGIF ( LOL even though I should totally be sleeping -- getting up in 6 hrs is not going to be pretty, but oh well--) Monday was an easy, stress-free day -- I actually left work at 5, did some errands, got a cute haircut and I thought hey, this week may be easier ---

Sure I was a little delusional there--- crazy week ( can we say random stuff turned out to be wrong and holy crap big mistake was discovered -- though not my fault at all but scrambling to get it fixed was another story--) But after pulling two 9.5 hr days, things seem to be a little better (though drinking coffee at 10 p.m. keeps me up-- note to self stop doing that)

That place is a vortex-- it just sucks you in-- lol who knows if I'll get kept, but I'm not one to do anything half way , half assed or without caring too much -- thus enter mental anguish ( though compliments are nice for the soul ;)

I don't like not knowing, but just trying to take things as they come -- I've become a workaholic, and a game player of sorts -- sigh, what is this world coming to? Where has Queen Lush gone?

time number 3 of attempting sleep tonight, maybe this time I'll be able to !!

Nite all

So wow its been a while since I've updated this thing ( Myspace blog has sucked me in, so I've been babbling on that.) I'm still alive, still working and still thinking way too much ( but hey this is me we're talking about.) The weekend seems to fly by way too fast, yet the week is slow yet fast ( a contradiction of terms I know.)

All this rain has me kinda blah, seriously did not do a damn productive thing this weekend ( though catching up on sleep is definately a fun mental health kind of activity that I think I will make a regular occurance....

General question to pose to the universe--- why is it when we should know better, or know something may not be the best for us, yet we do said thing over and over? How long does it actually take someone to learn a lesson? I'm not a games gal, yet I seem to be playing them more of the flirty, random yet going nowhere type of you make fun of me, I'll bust your chops again--- I thought I was a grown up ( LOL yeah right.)

Well should go to sleep ( old woman that I am, lack of sleep makes me mopey and grumpy and seeing as tomorrow is Monday, trying to avoid that...)

Later gators

My Life: The Soundtrack
So here's how it works. Open your choice of music player [iTunes, Limewire, Kazaa, etc] and put it on shuffle. Press play. For every question, type the song that's on. And when you go to a new question press the next button. Ready? GO!

Opening credits:
Stuck in a Moment
Waking up:
Hollaback girl
Average day:
Bette Davis Eyes

First date:
Friday I'm in Love

Falling in love:
A Matter of Trust

Fight scene:
Silent All These Years

Breaking up:
Karma

Getting back together:
At my most beautiful- REM

Secret love:
Somewhere in Between- Lifehouse

Life's okay:

We didn't start the Fire

Mental breakdown:
Flagpole sitta ( LOL paranoia paranoia everyone is coming to get me :P

Driving:
Hysteria-
Def leppard

Learning a lesson:
In Absence of the sun- duncan

Deep thought:
Needs- collective soul

Flashback:
Days Go BY- Duncan

Partying:
Everybody Wants to Rule the world - Tears for fears

Happy dance:
Tubthumping - haha

Regreting:
Shameless

Long night alone:
Wasting My Time

Death scene:
Goodnight, Goodnight

If you reached the top of Mount Everest, you would scream:
Almost 500 songs on this playlist and what do I get ? Hit the road Jack- this amuses me greatly at 7 am

The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say:
Over my head

The thing you most want to say when drunk:
You're unbelievable

Your message to the world:
Are You Happy Now?

Your deepest secret:
Don't Lie

Your innermost desire:
Don't Fuck with my heart

Your oldest memory makes you think:
The Goonies Theme- Cyndi Lauper

Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include:
Fly Away from Here- Aerosmith

On your deathbed, you'll whisper:
Always something there to remind me - lmao, yeah I'm big on that one

Your friends say behind your back:
No regrets

You say behind your friends' back:
Nice to be here

Your opinion of MySpace:
Don't ask me why ...

When you wake up in the morning, you mutter:
Dizzy

If you found yourself lost on a desert island, you'd yell:

Everything
Right now, your feelings are:
Second Chance

What's your excuse for reposting this bulletin?:
Girls Just want to have fun

Your life's soundtrack:
Only Happy When it Rains

Will I get far in life?
Badlands- Springsteen

How do my friends see me?:
Celebrity skin- hole

Where will i get married?:
The last resort

What is my best friend's theme song?:
I'm Not OK

What is the story of my life?:
Out of Order

What is/was high school like?:
Sweet Illusions

How can i get ahead in life?:
In the middle of nowhere

What is the best thing about me?:
Genius

How is today going to be?:
I Aint missing you

What is in store for this weekend?:
Take it easy

What song describes my parents?:
Everywhere I Go

my grandparents?:
Take it to the limit

How is my life going?
You Learn

What song will they play at my funeral?:
New Moon on Monday

How does the world see me?:
Wouldn't it be nice

Will I have a happy life?
waiting on a friend

What do my friends really think of me?:
in my life - the Beatles

Do people secretly lust after me?:
While you see a Chance

How can I make myself happy?:
Changes

What should I do with my life?:
Let the good times roll

Will I ever have children?:
perfect situation

What is some good advice?:
It's still rock and roll

What is my signature dancing song?:
Never say goodbye

What do I think my current theme song is?:
She runs away

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
Honesty (LOL)

I'm an idiot ..... but we'll get to that a little later. LMAO at the above line ( good concert, a little bit random and of course, some substitutions could have been made... but awesome nonetheless. Stiletto, all for leyna were really good and of course, like me and Shazz were saying, he was gonna do A Matter of Trust for us ( LOL and of course, he played that so that was great :)

Totally worth it, been there, done that and bought the tshirt ( for myself and not someone else....) Haha Iz, you'll be proud of Shazz - she kept me in check and I bought a five dollar poster, which he may or not may not get because like I said, I'm an idiot.

So I woke up from my three hour nap with the line of But I can’t understand what I did last night ( Good Intentions, Toad the Wet Sprocket) and XM radio just played it a few mins ago ( which was good bc I could not remember where that was from for the life of me)

I shouldnt have gone online when I came home .... I shouldnt have spent an hour talking to him on aim... and I SHOULD Not have told him--- but we all know I'm a master of doing what I shouldnt. Yeah so he was pushing my buttons, busting my chops and I'm like well I know why I do what I do... its because I love you, somewhere along the line I fell and now my big mouths probably going to get me into trouble. All after 2 am of course is when I say this ....

So I do what I do best-- I go away for a bit and hes like no trouble- just speechless.... and a perhaps we should continue this conversation at a better time ,it would be better to talk about this stuff when we're both rested, its alright you said what you needed to say, you should be proud of yourself for having the guts... so then I'm like yeah it will give you time to think of a nice way to not hurt my feelings and hes like there is no nice way, trust me... I started babbling about timing and apparently theres no right timing, you just go with with and we'll pick this up again.

So WTF was I thinking-- I have no idea .... something tells me def to lay low for a while --- I mean how does one follow up a late night confession like that? Its obvious hes not interested, he also was like your too nice for my own good ( before all this of course) Guess its time to let go of this once and for all .... ugh my stupid mouth has got me in trouble, I've said too much again

It's gonna be one of those days

So you think you can troubleshoot for madness, but it turns out what you think is gonna go down doesnt but a whole new pile of shit comes up... long story short, 1) the company in Cali helping make the books for work should be called Shit books -- totally incompetent
2) Missed the first deadline at work by a day, we got it moved, but spent the week stressing to meet it and things just fell apart at the end
3) Really wondering how this company is gonna screw up the new round of states --- I'm too stressed and my body is starting to take the brunt of it ( I have a cold, coughing up a lung while trying to sleep at night and sound kinda hoarse)

Was totally not prepared for this shift in responsibilty at work-- my boss started to pinch in but if I have to hear one more time about the music or health program hes involved with too I'm gonna scream -- its like I had no idea when Dena asked me to help out with this it was gonna be so much work -- deep breath.

Gonna see about getting a temp to help out when Dena is back on Monday bc this job is gonna become my life if not -- a few nights here and there staying till 7 ok, but every night when i get in at 9 and cant really earn overtime in the long haul not gonna work.

Question: have I made any real right decisions since graduating last May? I am becoming aware slowly that maybe this isnt what I'm supposed to be doing, and that going back to school sometime in the near future might not be such a bad idea -- for what though is my stumbling block and I have no answers ...

Time for a deep breath, Billy Joel concert in two weeks ( yay, could use a bright spot in my life right now) :) My Jack obsession has dwindled a bit, I just dont have the energy right now -- though I did talk to him for a lil last night and he imed me this morning so as long as I keep in touch that's all i can hope for at this point.... Although I may want another hang out at the end of the month/ start of May --- I think I need to lay out all the cards on the table so to speak --- confession being good for the soul and all that jazz

Time for meds, bed ! P.S-- an early Bday Shout-out to Rice ... hope you got my card and after seeing the pics Shan posted of your kitty, I think I may need to come meet "your son" :)

Later gators

Hey All,

So I got a taste of what life is gonna be starting in April at work--- hectic, stressful and grrr !! There's so much to do, not enough time, and I really wish that they hadn't moved the temp that was supposed to help me onto another project!! I hate feeling stressed and like theres not enough time, and things start to slip when I rush !!

Trying not to worry too much, the boss gets bak the second week in April so I'm going to talk to her about some help ( especially since I'm working on two projects now, and the first one is still screwed up-- these ppl that are helping make these books suck soo bad--- they haven't gotten things right yet, and its like the third or fourth time :( Not to mention they're partially working on the second project, so who knows if they'll mess that up too!! Ahhh, as long as I cover my ass, try my best , what else can I do?? My direct supervisor is a nice guy, but way too flaky, and its like I have to remind him of stuff so many times!!

Sigh, keep your fingers crossed that things go ok and I don't screw up too badly!! But Izzy comes home soon-- yay :) Here's to hanging out before this job becomes my life ( bc I have a feeling I'll be there till like 6 or 7 just to get things done every day)

Not much else to report ... need to relax, not stress about work or jackass. He Im'ed me twice this week, but no real convos of substance -- they kinda just level off and I didn't really have the energy to try and revive them ... I still get the feeling that I should let things go ( I know, I know how many times have I said that) Maybe one day I'll learn ....

Cat

Well hangout number two accomplished--- gift and card received well, which I was surprised about. I didn't see him at first, and started to get nervous that he blew me off, but then he appeared so no ass kicking necessary!! He seemed to like the cat card, laughed at the whole casanova figure and was like this is great and he's taking it to work tomorrow and im like oh boy, had my head in my hands and was cracking up !! But he was like thanks, no one is this nice to me, I appreciate it and it made him smile and lightened things up, so it was good!

I love hanging out with him, but the whole saying goodbye thing is harder and harder each time. I dunno, this whole "just friends" facade is a load of crap, but I'm too scared to tell him the truth yet, and he's still way too bitter about things for me to take that kinda leap right now.

I'm a total lost cauze and I must congratulate myself on falling right back to where I was a year ago, only this time the feelings are stronger. He's such a dork, and I dunno what I see in him, or why I feel the way I do, but eh one of those unexplained things. Ugh hes still on the whole speech to me about Ivy league grad schools and I'm just like I'm not that smart, why?

I'm "Nice" apparently, he told me that like three times and its like duh, you fool !! So my train comes, I go in for a hug and didn't want to let go, held on a bit longer and then pulled away. But then I needed to dispense my words of wisdom, keep your eyes open and keep an open mind ( IE IDIOT See me, see what you could have) and I missed my train accidently on purpose. So then his train comes and he like puts his hand out ( what was I supposed to shake his hand or give him a high five? ) but I went in for another hug and then kissed him on the cheek, and was like bye and hes like we'll talk online.

Haha gotta love how we pass the Garden and he talks about the Billy Joel concert I'm going to next month again and I'm like well if you're a good boy, maybe I'll bring you back something --- so my bribery is my insane attempt at flirting with him apparently-- go figure! Gotta love how he was like he put his ex gf on a pedalstall and it didnt turn out good and I'm like yeah you're preaching to the choir there ( alluding to me with him, one of these days I just need to say what I mean dammit and not hide behind song lyrics, quotes and the like.)

Sigh for now he's just it-- the one I want but cant have and am a total head in the clouds I buy him cheesy presents bc I dont have the courage to be like I think I love you, I just want to be with you, just give me a chance dammit. Gotta love how most of his coworkers now are female --- Im like ugh gotta be visible and nice so that I dont wind up the smuck friend while someone else gets to date him.

Big sigh, its only Monday, hope its not a super long week... chillaxed this weekend, watched some tv, caught up on sleep and enjoyed the warmer weather.... spring needs to get here and stay, bc it makes me a happier gal :) Anyways, sooo drained so I'm gonna go relax before attempting sleep tonight

Hey all,
Long time, no post ( well for me anyways.) Been busy with work, and when I come home, I don't wanna think or do much of anything! I've learned my lesson about jinxing myself ( last post tittle better days... since then, I had quite a scare last week when my dad and brother were in a car accident, but thankfully both came out of it ok -- so that unnerved/ scared me for a few days.

This weekend I hung out with Shazz, which was fun times as always --- oh yeah, and Cassanova will see the light of day-- meeting up with him Monday, so that should be umm interesting ( haha lets guess how many shades of colors I will turn ;) No devil horns, must behave myself ( shakes head, I'm a lil pushy though, hes like I'm broke, havent gotten paid so I can't hang out and I'm like I got it, I insist and if you say no I'm gonna hunt you down and hurt u ---- hmm my violent side aka I want to get the Im a loosa moment over so that I can further work on my I will get u, u will cave plan -- I call it Snag Jack Part Deux ( LOL)

Work's been a mix of dead and going alright -- got a lil worried about taking over for the girl who is leaving earlier this week, but I feel better about it now... I'm the temp hoe, being lent out to other ppl and doing "special" projects ... but once again, the "big boss" even though shes short was like you learn quick and pick things up fast, I like that! She's gonna be gone for a few weeks to have surgery, but as of now, I'm under the assumption that I'm there for a few more months ( the project is just starting and going till June/ July so unless I hear otherwise, thats where I'll be... whenever I freak out, I just take a breath and repeat the I can do this mantra --- my head hurts so I'm outta here !!

Later gators

Seems to me after excessively whiny, bitchy and confused posts, I have some upbeat, good news to share on here ( somewhat aiming at a balance.) So I finished the special project today, and Deena, the head of the production department comes to talk to me about my time left... So she's like I've been hearing good things about you, a lot of people are leaving, would you be interested in staying till the end of March? 3 more weeks of work-- let's think-- yes please :) So I'm gonna be working with this other dude bc his assistant is leaving to go do the NYC teaching fellows program ( the thing I almost considered doing way back in Sept) so I'm employed for another month-- yay !!

I have a feeling I may get asked to stay on as a temp until they can either hire me, or if not then temp and might as well put in my dues and try to get my year or so of publishing experience ( and when the time comes, then look for something else... but all in all, I feel like maybe things are taking a turn for the better, which honestly is very good because well in other areas, I'm still kinda confused, although nothing new there.

So no Monday blahs, and a good start to the week. Maybe the luck of the Irish will be with me through March ;)

Later gators

Seems like Duncan has one for this situation that fits perfectly ...

I don't want to feel this way
I don't want to say I'm just a friend
I don't want to wait around here
'Cause you don't want to feel no pain again
We just lie about it
As we become shadows of ourselves

I don't want to look away
I don't want to be the one denied
It ain't no fault of mine
Someone, somewhere told you lies

There are some realizations in your life that just make you question almost everything, have you go oh shit a bunch of times, and well in my case burst out into tears and sleep like crap. In the past two days I've had two different people say it sounds like I love him ( and well to be honest, that thought has been floating around in my head since the middle of this week... ) But then I sit and think, and am like but do I-- and I mean how do I know ? If I do, then he's got that first too-- LOL he's really racking up all the firsts on my list !!

I'm way too mopey lately, sappy songs make me cry at the drop of a hat, theres the fear of losing -- what--- I'm not sure, I just wanna talk to him and when I do it makes me happy, I can't seem to ever get away from him and this whole waiting till a better time is going to drive me mad for sure. If I say something now though, I risk the whole not ready speech and may have him run in the other direction, because I'll be the psycho puppy dog following him around like some little school girl :( Boys---- ugh !! I'm as subtle as a neon sign lately, and should probably cool it before I slip up, dig a hole that I can't get out of. He's busy this week, with work and stuff for grad school so I dunno if I'm gonna hang out with him, he was like so yeah we'll hang out sometime, and I'm like this week, and hes like I'm hoping so, but its gonna be busy and brutal -- so yeah, whatever!

Work is going better, my boss was like thank god you're here this past week, which it felt nice to be appreciated!! I'm like the temp whore though, on Friday I was "borrowed" to do a special project ( pulling excel shit, and putting it into a new sheet--gotta finish it up tomorrow.) Starting to get worried about the project ended, bc nothing has been offered yet, but the assistant did say a lot of people are leaving and they may ask me to stay, so keep you're fingers crossed. I mean, its not my dream job, but it is a job and its not bad--- Eh, I don't know shit at this point :/

Can't I go back to being a kid, when things were simpler even though it didn't seem that way? This being a grown up stuff is yucky :(

Later gators :P

Instead of the do not feed after midnight warning like in the Gremlins, I should come with another type of warning ... late night aim conversations are tricky, dangerous and present all sorts of opportunities to tease and get myself into trouble! Yeah so I wound up talking him online till almost 4 this morning--

So of course I say too much, and now it looks like I will have to suck it up and give him the dumb present bc I told him I got him something, but wouldnt tell him what -- lol so I teased him about it for a good half hour, him trying to get me to crack. It was cute and made me laugh, and of course with a little playful banter in there as well ( because even though I'm kidding, part of me is serious of course ;) Dirty moment was when he was like trying to keep busy and I told him to let me know if there was anything I could do to help ;) LOL kinda bad and he was like that was perverted I will have no part in that ( I played it off that was not what I meant but well.... but well is all I'm gonna say.... haha apparently he knew I didnt mean it like that but my reaction was worth the trouble!

K so cheesy moment of the night had to be towards the end, where he started calling me cat again and I was like thanks for being a good sport and hes like well thats what I do -- and then I was like well whoever you may be, at whatever time of the day, I think you are fine just the way you are -- and he was like woah thats almost a billy joel song!

Sometimes I wish I could knock some sense into myself about this situation, but its like I just lose all sort of control when it comes to him-- so I'll probably wind up seeing him again soon so that I can give him his present, because I was like well I'm still not telling, but if you want to know you'll have to see me and hes like I'm sure we can figure out a time-- so heres to me behaving myself once again and not telling him the whole truth :( I almost was like well to be perfectly honest, if you were ever mine I'd never let you go, but thought twice and decided against it...

Anyways, enough rambling seeing as you all probably want to kick my butt about all the whining I do on here lately!!

Luv ya all :)
Cat

After the bitchiness of the last post, the week preceded to get worse before it got better, but after Wed things turned around, and I didn't want to kill everyone in sight ( always an improvement ;) The first two weeks of work went off without a hitch, but this week was a little more stressful ( and as the final deadline of this project looms, I'm sure there's more of that to come.) Nothing majorly went wrong, except for some shit going missing and me realizing that better to cover my ass ( tiny as it may be) than for something to slip through the cracks.

Boys, can't live with em, they are sure to drive you nuts ( but why does that feel so good sometimes? ) I may have thought in the past that I have wanted someone I couldn't have, but to tell you the truth, it has nothing on this whole Jack situation. I hate seeing him down, and I want to make it better, and to be totally honest, I just want him --- I'm a pathetic person, and I hate how whiny I get over this--- in many ways, April may have been when I started to fall, but I feel like I just keep falling for him over and over, and I know somewhere in my head that I shouldn't --- that I should be careful, cautious because more chances than not, my expectations/ hopes for something more just isn't going to happen ( because I don't know if he sees me in that way, and I have no idea how to begin to make him see that) It still kinda pisses me off when we're talking and then he either signs off or goes away without saying bye -- I dunno if its me being too sensitive again, or if it just shows that I'm just not that important to him

So for now, all I can do is wait out the situation, have a bit of faith and try not to drive myself too crazy ( LOL honestly I don't know how much crazier I can get before my picture is in the dictionary next to psycho crazy person) Case in point was this afternoon, and my sense of humor... so a while back I started calling him cassanova when teasing him. So today I bought this action figure of cassanova -- and on the back of the box, its like occupation-- adventurer, author lover which reminded me of a convo we had a few weeks ago... Now whether or not I give this to him I dunno--- I find it funny, but its kinda sketchy too ( though it may cheer him up because he does have a good sense of humor, and it just goes to show how nuts I am ) Jury is still out on this one though -- could backfire and he could be offended or it can wipe out the friend vibe I've been presenting and scream out hey baby I wanna get with you ( and yes, I actually did just type that LOL)

Just bummed around the house yesterday, it felt so good to relax-- yay to 3 day weekends, my awesome peeps and to being easily amused !!

Crazy